Micro-progress and healing steps

It's been a long recovery period and I'm finally feeling my energy levels rise again, making me anxious to return back to my village family.It's been a long convalescence Being ill does serve as a good reminder of our human limitations. We've had this conversation before, about how there's so much pressure to do more, exceeding what is humanly possible! How drastically counter-cultural it can be to try and reverse go,go,go,burnout patterns (no spaces to signal the urgency!), but that is my ever-present life-work at this moment.

Boredom is not something I experience, ever. This is a good thing. Still, my busyness cannot be equated with true progress. Brenda Ueland writes,

"These people who are always briskly doing something and as busy as waltzing mice, they have little, sharp, staccato ideas, such as: "I see where I can make an annual cut of $3.47 in my meat budget." But they have no slow, big ideas.”

I think it's time to slow down and percolate. Instead of pulling teeth to get people involved in the garden project, I would rather step back. Spend some time hanging out. Working on my language skills. And wait to be approached by people who WANT to work on projects. This seems like a more organic unfolding than being thrown into an existing assignment that simply won't work if it's not wanted. I'm simplifying project design management to the level of a friendship.

A perceptive friend asked me recently, "what if your biggest accomplishment while in P.C. is reading with your host sisters on the weekends?" At first I was dismayed by this line of thought -- after all, two years seems like enough time to accomplish at least a few substantive projects, nay?! But, upon further reflection, some of my most meaningful work as of late has been spent reading by candle-light with two 10th graders, " Runaway Ralph and the Motorcycle," trying to explain what water hydrants are and the importance of wearing helmets! I guess it's necessary to re-evaluate expectations of progress and success, especially in a place still coming to terms with the legacy of apartheid.

If I were to design a t-shirt to worn daily, it would read: YOU CAN! This is the perpetual message that I'm constantly championing with those I work with. [I don't mean to merely repeat a campaign slogan, chanted at many a rally right now!]

The ethos in my community is one dependency. Unfulfilled promises. Waiting for the government to come through. Waiting some more. Placing some blame. We are powerless. We have many problems. The white people have the answers. We need someone to tell us what to do (often me, not the local expert).

STOP!

Before any development, transformative or otherwise, can take root, people must believe that they are even capable of being a part of this transformative process. Maybe my work here is then to come alongside, offering quiet and sometimes loud encouragement. You can. Together we can. To teach those I work with to take initiative, develop leadership skills and help find local resources. Easier said than done. While all of this seems quite daunting at times, I have to believe that my presence, persistence and patience will gradually help break down some of these prevailing attitudes. Baby steps.